Meet my Aunt Elizabeth.
We talked through the realities of MARRIAGE.
(I thought it would be a good topic to go along with Valentine's month.)
I was excited to get some raw insight on the topic and advice on how they have survived!
(Thanks Tia, for allowing me share your story on my blog, I know it can be a little nerve-racking.)
Her and my uncle will be married 36 years this December!
Her story:
"I was pregnant and married at the age of 16. He was 18.
That was what you did back then. That was the belief from your parents.
'You got her pregnant, you're not going to walk away from your responsibilities,
you're gonna man up and take care of it.'
That is what they told us we needed to do.
It was very scary.
Pregnant at 16, then going to get married.
We broke up for a short time,
but then we decided, yes, that's what we were going to do.
I didn't know what I was in for.
I didn't have any examples on how to be a wife.
I didn't even know how to make an egg.
Your Tio had to show me how to make one."
"But for me, I have always taken marriage seriously.
Family is important to me
and marriage is something that I did before God,
you know.
I have always thought
my marriage just isn't about me.
I think about the legacy I want to leave for my family,
my children,
my grandchildren...
I want them to know that we all have difficulty and we all have challenges,
but we have to learn to work through them.
I struggle and go back and forth through the good times and bad times; I'm sure everyone does.
Sometimes I think people go into marriage with an unrealistic expectation
thinking that everything is going to be perfect
and then when its not, they are just like,
'OH'.
Not everyone takes it seriously, and it's sad to say."
How they survived:
She says,
"Definitely by the grace of God, and God alone.
Also, I think just being determined and saying I can't quit, we have come this far.
We have been through the worst.
I mean, being married at the age of 16. I was a baby trying to raise a baby
and there were many times that this marriage should have been over."
Her advice:
She says, "we have to know when to choose our battles.
I ask myself, wow, is this really worth it?
Also, communication is key.
Also, the way that the movie 'War Room' impacted me was just giving it to God
and letting him intervene."
She adds, "Just remember there are going to be times where you are not going to like this person
because I have to go into my prayer and say Lord, 'I don't like this person right now'", she laughs.
She also mentions that when she took a class some years back called "Divorce Proof Your Marriage",
it taught her that when you are feeling that way to try and think about 5 positive things about your spouse.
Try to focus less at what they are not doing right and what they do do right.
His advice:
My uncle was also willing to join in and give his advice on things,
and men getting straight to the point,
he answers quickly.
"It's like a vehicle...
if it's broken, fix it.
Don't throw it away, it's worth fixing."
(Both my aunt and I said "Wow, that was good, was that an original or did you hear that from somewhere?"
He said he heard that at one of the marriage conferences with their church.)
I asked how much the classes and conferences help and he says;
"A LOT, and without counseling, classes, and learning communication, we wouldn't have made it."
My Aunt added the funny remark, "sometimes it's intense communication,
but it's communication", she laughs.
Then adds, "because your uncle makes it difficult!
They laugh. He says, 'I make it difficult?'
She says, "your Tio always tells me, 'I am not like you,
you are a woman of many words."
"A LOT OF WORDS", he adds, shaking his head.
We all laughed.
What marriage means to her:
"My definition of marriage is being there for one another through the good times and bad times
and having each others back, and definitely love of course."
She reflected on the things she likes most about marriage.
And she says, "coming home to someone you love
and also having someone to talk to when you are having a bad day."
xOxOx