Storytelling

It’s been a while, but I’ve always looked forward to the time

when I could bring back real-life storytelling.

The funny thing is, it all came full circle after my faith led me to pause photography and move out of my studio in Wauseon

to relocate with my family to the Toledo area.

I began working at a women’s shelter downtown, and that experience sparked my interest in finally going back to school

—something I had been considering since before earning my associate’s degree in commercial photography.

Now, I’m set to graduate next spring with my undergraduate degree and, hopefully,

begin my master’s in social work the following fall.

The time has come for me to blend social work and photography

—and there are so, so many stories to share.

But enough about me—meet my friend Paris.

She and her friend, Dr. Amerah, started a program at the local YMCA in downtown Toledo,

empowering young Black and Brown girls to build confidence.

She asked me to take promo pictures for them.

It got me thinking about the need in the first place—what are the roots?

Ever since I’ve known Paris, her confidence has always stood out to me. So, I thought it would be the perfect idea to call her over and talk more about it.

I started by asking her to describe her personal confidence journey:

Confidence Journey

Meet Paris.

“From what I can remember, it started when I was thirteen years old, and I remember having a mindset of, ‘I’m tired of my mom picking out my stuff and designing my hairstyles.’ I realized that was the age when other kids could start to look at you, make fun of you, or just find their own identity. I recall that’s when I took my hair into my own hands and started practicing on myself—trying out braid styles, straightening my hair, and attempting to get out of relaxers, as they were the number-one go-to option in the Black community. I didn’t want relaxers anymore, and I remember trying to create my own style. I didn’t have a lot of style back then, but I thought I did, and I think that was a big mental shift for me because it allowed me to make my own decisions on how I looked.”

“It sounds backwards, but once my outer appearance got better, I started feeling good about myself. I started feeling confident, not caring what people thought, because if I liked it, I felt comfortable in it. I was okay. I was okay being different and okay being myself, and I do remember feeling that at a young age.”

“Moving on to when I was sixteen—that was an even bigger mental shift. A different kind of confidence came over me as I accepted Jesus and started educating myself on what I thought it meant to be wise. Becoming a young, wise person also made me confident because I felt prepared for life and for whatever phase of life I entered at such a young age.”

I told her how impressive it was that she was able to self-navigate these things.

“In a lot of Black communities—or at least the one I came from—you kind of have to,” she explained. “You’re put in so many hard situations, where one parent is out of the home and the parent in the home is struggling, just trying to make ends meet. That parent doesn’t always have the extra time to help you grow in certain areas.

I’ll speak for myself: in my household, there were six girls in a single-parent home—just my mother. Because she was so focused on survival, there wasn’t always time to make sure we were all okay. You just had to figure it out on your own. Thankfully, I figured it out in a positive way.”

"Godfidence"

I asked Paris where she got her confidence from.

“I think my confidence comes from God. I once heard someone use the word ‘Godfidence’—which means having the belief that there is a supernatural Father, the beginning and the end, the Creator of all things, backing you in everything you do. Once I truly started to believe that, I became sure of what I was doing and what I was meant to do.

I’ve always had the heart and the ability to adapt, and that kept me open-minded in different situations or phases of life. My mindset has always been: whatever it is, it’s meant to be. If it’s happening to me, then that means I can get through it—and God placed it in my path for a reason.

Another thing that built my confidence was reading Scripture and using it as my blueprint. When I got saved, I started reading Proverbs, since it’s considered the book of wisdom. Those words shaped me, helping me make certain decisions and carry them out with confidence.

This is what I believe, this is what I carry, and this is how I live my life. Having that supernatural faith and strength reminds me that me alone is not enough—but me and God together is more than enough.”

Still Celebrate

I shared with Paris that people often crave confidence, but if it isn’t rooted in the right source, it can feel empty. I recalled how, before finding my own confidence, I used to feel intimidated by confident women.

Paris went on to say, “I believe that through my path in life—especially as an adult and becoming more self-aware—I’ve learned that people can easily blur the line between being confident and being arrogant or prideful. That usually shows a lack of real work or growth in their own confidence.

For me, if I know I’ve done the heart work, have good intentions, I’m not harming anyone, and I’ve healed from what I needed to heal from—then if someone looks at me and thinks, she’s doing too much or she’s weird—I feel like that person needs to assess themselves and ask why they even have the lens to think that way.

Most people who call someone arrogant don’t understand the work that goes into becoming confident. You have to be very sure of yourself to even be labeled as arrogant. I am proud of myself, but it’s with good intentions, not a bad heart. Because I know the hills I had to climb, the times I fell down and had to pick myself back up—and I won’t give anyone the power to call that arrogance.

I was talking with Amerah, who now has her PhD, and I remember a lady saying, ‘Do not be great to be kind.’ That meant, if I’m standing in front of you and my success intimidates you, I shouldn’t have to make myself small so you can feel big. Be proud of your accomplishments. Own the fact that you worked hard to get there. It’s not ‘too much’ to be called Dr. So-and-So or to write your name in a book somewhere. We should be proud of what we’ve achieved.

The world already has a way of turning good things into negatives. Even when the church says, ‘Be humble, be humble,’ you can still celebrate yourself and be proud—without having a terrible heart.”

Black and Brown Confidence

I asked Paris what she thought about the confidence of Black and Brown girls today—whether in Toledo or in general.

“I see the confidence in Black and Brown women rising. I’ve been like this my entire life, but I make it a point to compliment Black and Brown girls—in high places, in fancy cars, in nice outfits, whatever hairstyles. I think we are realizing that we have it. We are beautiful, we have good hearts, we are multifaceted human beings—just by being Black or Brown women navigating all the adversities and systems stacked against us all over the world.

I love seeing Black and Brown women in high places because I know how hard they’ve worked to be there. And most of the women I come across are kind, resourceful, and not trying to gatekeep. They understand the importance of lifting up the next sister or young person, pouring their knowledge into others so we can raise up the next generation of great women.

I love it. I compliment them all the time. I just told someone recently, I love seeing people pull up in a BMW, because I know how hard it takes to get there. I’ve been in workplaces where the contributions of Black women aren’t appreciated—you’re overqualified, you’re told you need to do this or that, or it becomes a challenge, a competition, or even an environment where they pit us against each other, as if there’s only room for one of us.”

I mentioned that I’ve noticed many Black people are simply doing things themselves—creating their own paths. If they don’t fit into corporate spaces, they say, let’s just make our own business.

Paris responded, “Yes! A lot of women are moving past the setup that says, this is how it’s supposed to go. They’re saying instead, No, this is how it can go. This is how I’ve created it to go. And they’re rocking businesses. I just saw a young girl who built a seven-figure business on her own, and now it’s big enough to be a corporation. It still needs support in some areas, but it’s heading in a great direction. And I believe this is just the beginning.”

The Roots

Last, we talked about where these challenges around Black and Brown girls’ confidence come from.

“The obvious thing is slavery. A lot of people argue and say, ‘Oh my gosh, that was so long ago—it has nothing to do with us.’ But I always say it has everything to do with us, because it’s about the mindset, the systems, and the organizations that were left behind. Those structures continue to follow generations who could not break free from the cycles and barriers put in place.

Even today, there are still neighborhoods Black and Brown people can’t comfortably go into, or résumés and applications with Black or Brown names that get dismissed right away.

I think a lot of this is tied to generational trauma. Many of our ancestors lacked resources, family connections, or white allies. They carried so much trauma that it stifled them. Some held on to what little they had, never built, never moved forward. Others became stuck in certain spiritual, religious, or cultural traditions that ended up keeping them in the same place.

On top of that, we still face barriers in systems like the Constitution, the workplace, and schools.

It makes you wonder—what do we have? And then I think about the gifts in our community: people who can jump as high as a two-story building, dribble a ball with skill, dance effortlessly to a beat. The majority of our community has these natural talents. Of course, you see white people who may have these abilities too, but in our communities it’s widespread—it’s in our DNA. People look at us and think, they’re cool, entertaining, unique—their skin, their natural curves, their hair textures, their features, their skin tones. Period.

And still, with all the obstacles we’ve had to overcome, the question remains: How are we still surviving? How do we still have confidence?”

Palestine

She continued, “I think of Palestinian people. Families have been torn apart, people have lost limbs, children have gone missing, and they still come together. Their culture and confidence in who they are is so strong that they take what they can and continue to build.

When I studied their communities, I was amazed. They have such belief in their God and their culture and they just keep building. ‘Nothing is going to stop us.’ There’s so much to learn from them. Black and Brown people have such grit. 

We grew up in America, but we’re still not as united as Middle Eastern communities.

They come together, lock arms, and accomplish so much. I think if Black and Brown people in America came together in the same way,  we could be just as strong.”

xOxO